Monday, September 20, 2010

Looking Back and a Letter To My Past Self...

Randi 2008. Status: Sixteen, finished my sophomore year of high school, just broke up with first boy I ever told I loved, left the first group of friends I'd ever really known, finally getting over my illness, and feeling totally and completely lost.

Last week, I was walking up to campus, noticing the beautiful trees and the warm sunshine on my face. I was wearing my Chacos (score) so there was a definite bounce in my step and I knew that I was going to leave in a couple of hours for a great weekend. I realized that I was content with my life. Sure, there are a few things that could be better but there are definitely many more things that could be worse. Perfectly content. I thought back to where I was two years ago. I thought back to who I was two years ago. If I could go back to myself two years ago, there would be so many things I'd tell her. First off, I'd give her a hug. I'd tell her that I know things are feeling hard right now, that I know how hard it is to get up every morning and figure out what to because we're lost. I'd reassure her that things are going to turn out okay, better than we'd ever dreamed. That we'd grow an unbelieveable amount and that someday, we'd take our struggles and use them to help someone else out. I'd tell her to let go of that anger that we've been holding inside ourself because it's only going to sit there for a while, and that it never gets us anywhere. That we needed to learn to forgive quicker, and how much happier we would be when we finally just let go. I'd tell her that even though it seems like we lost everyone we cared about, we'd gain even more people who were better and brighter and we'd smile, laugh, and love with them more than we ever had. I'd tell her its okay to cry. That our tears don't compromise our strength. That we'll learn to trust again. I'd tell her not to waste her time on boys that don't deserve us but we're going to meet some amazing people soon. People that'll change our life. We'll discover who we are in the mountains and that our happiness is going to come from working hard and helping others. I'd tell her not to start being so critical of her looks and herself because soon enough, we'll make it habit. It'll be one of our hardest battles yet and that we still haven't conquered it.
I'd tell her that even though we're not sure about it, our Heavenly Father loves us and He's watching out for us every single second. That life is beautiful and we're growing up better and stronger every single day. I'd tell her it'll be okay to take chances and we'll be the better person for it. We'll do things we never dreamed of like, climbing upside down on 100ft cliffs, going places without at least one person we know, or being a part of amazing groups and being looked up to. That we're going to be blessed with a wonderful, beautiful, unexpected, challenging, joyful, loving, bright, happy life and even though I haven't seen even half of it yet, it's going to get even better. I wouldn't tell her everything along the way because even though we're not fond of surprises, some things can't be explained, they have to be felt and experienced. I'd give her another hug, and tell her that it's all going to be okay. Actually, much much much better than okay.

Randi 2010. Status: Starting my first semester at college having a beautifully wonderful group of friends and family, the best life experiences from school, meeting amazing people, being involved in life changing things, having a strong testimony of the gosepl, and knowing who I am and learning to love it.