Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I Knew It Would Be A Good Day...

I knew it would be a good day this morning when I woke up feeling completely and absolutely relaxed. I knew it would be a good day today when I put on my Chacos. I knew it would be a good day when I heard Frank Sinatra on the shuttle radio this morning and the nice old bus driver told me to have a good day. I knew it would be a good day when I found out that my Creative Arts test was on Thursday, not today. I knew it would be a good day when I finally got my HURD shirt and I wasn't late to class because of it. I knew it would be a good day when my Human Development teacher put a pirate hat on in the middle of the lecture and told us that we didn't have class on Thursday; instead our assignment was to play. That's right. Play. I knew it would be a good day when my math class was canceled. I knew it would be a good day when I was on the shuttle and the cute boy next to me started singing "Magic" along with the radio and bumped his shoulder next to mine, apologizing because he liked the song. I laughed. I knew it would be a good day when I spent the afternoon at the kitchen table with my roommate helping her set up her very own blog. I knew it would be a good day when I realized that I could finish all of my Connections homework tonight and then be done with it. Forever. I knew it would be a good day because I didn't feel like crying even once today. I knew it would be a good day because I had a bowl of cereal for dinner. I knew it would be a good day because not only do I have IWA tonight but the fireside choir tonight as well.
Some things you just know, you know?


Monday, September 27, 2010

What I've Been Up To and Randi's Five Secrets About College...

Hey, hey, hey. Sorry about that last post. Honestly, it was a little bit of a hormonal, emotional night but no worries, I've got a handle on it now. Sometimes it just slips out a little bit. So what have I been up to? Just living the college life. Just some True Aggie night you know?

Did I attend? That would be a no. Do I want to attend? Again, negative. What did I do instead?

That's right, I watched New In Town on Netflix instead. Seemed like a better solution to me. And yes, I am wearing skinny jeans in that picture. Me, the self proclaimed skinny jeans hater wore them. I have many theories about skinny jeans but I still got a pair. The jury is still out on that vote.
What else have I been up to besides wearing skinny jeans and avoiding kisses from random boys? Just living life at O4. Our apartment is the best. No joke. We as roommates are pretty hilarious. I've been on a decorating kick as well.

Went to the DI, found some frames for two dollars, went and bought spray paint the next Wal-Mart trip (there is no Target in Logan. It's killin' me. Complete and total blasphemy) found some pictures off the internet and there we have it. Something at the top of our stairs. On to my five secrets about me and college. I'm sure that there will be more coming along but here's just a few so far:
1. I've turned into a neat freak. Yes, my half of the room usually has clothes everywhere but besides that point, I've turned into my mother and grandmother. I have to wipe things down every few days or I get this itchy feeling.
2. Today I went to class looking like a bag lady. I got up this morning and pulled on some sweats, put the hair in a headband, and went to pilates. I got back and was waffling between the choice of getting ready or studying for two straight hours. I hit the books and it got me nowhere today on my test. Fetch. I didn't shower till about two o' clock.
3. I've turned lazy and ride the shuttle mostly these days. I've got to quit it or the freshmen fifteen and I are going to become close friends. And that's just one friendship I'm not willing to start. But...if I see a cute boy get on the shuttle that I could be taking..I'll take it.
4. I smell my milk everyday to see if it's still good. The experience where I poured a glass of milk, took a nice big drink, realized that my milk tasted like Sprite and that it wasn't normal, thus leading me to spit it out in the sink has me paranoid.
5. I'm ready for cooler weather. Snow, no. Cooler, yes. Cool enough to wear pants and jackets but not cold enough that the Chacos get packed away. I'm dreading the day the Chacos get packed away.
So..that's it for now. Let's see if I can get all these emotions under control so I can study for my Creative Arts test.


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Boys and Girls...

Boys and girls. We're from two different plants. Especially teenage boys and girls, because neither of us ever know what the other is thinking. It would much better sometimes if we did because things would be a heck of a lot simpler. Hey, I'll be the first to admit it, we girls are complicated. Completely. But...boys aren't very simple either. There are some things I don't think boys will ever really get about girls though...
Boys may not realize how much time girls spend time thinking about them. How much time we spend analyzing every single move they make, every word they say, and how much we really care sometimes.
Boys probably realize how irrational girls are sometimes. We're irrational, but it makes sense to us. That what we say and what we mean can be two different things. How much we want things to work out even when we know they probably won't. Because face it girls, all of us have a romantic deep inside.
Boys many never know how much we care what they think. That we take so long to get ready because we want to look nice for them.
Boys may never know how girls hurt inside sometimes. That we hope and hope and hope..and when it doesn't work out, it kills us inside for a while.
Boys may never realize that while they move on quickly, we may take a little longer hanging on. That we look at our phones about 20,000 different times a night, hoping for some sign that he's still there.
Boys never realize that there's so many songs out there that girls will relate to them.
Boys may never realize how scared girls are to tell them what we feel, because admitting sentimentality is hard.
"I miss you, I care about you, I want to be with you even just for a day, because you matter to me."
Boys will never know how many tears are cried over them. How many nights are spent crying into a pillow, how many tissues are used in conversations with moms and best friends, and how many showers turn into opportunities to cry without anyone noticing. We girls are an emotional sort.
Boys may never realize that a girl may hold a place in her heart for them for a while. Because its hard to say goodbye to something you wanted.
I could go on...because this is a lot better than doing homework right now and I'm an emotional teenage girl. I couldn't focus if I tried. Because, I'm just thinking of everything I'd finally say if I saw someone. So with words like that running around your head, its hard to sit down and worry about equations and human development, you know?


I'm Randi and trying to stop caring about someone else is hard.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Looking Back and a Letter To My Past Self...

Randi 2008. Status: Sixteen, finished my sophomore year of high school, just broke up with first boy I ever told I loved, left the first group of friends I'd ever really known, finally getting over my illness, and feeling totally and completely lost.

Last week, I was walking up to campus, noticing the beautiful trees and the warm sunshine on my face. I was wearing my Chacos (score) so there was a definite bounce in my step and I knew that I was going to leave in a couple of hours for a great weekend. I realized that I was content with my life. Sure, there are a few things that could be better but there are definitely many more things that could be worse. Perfectly content. I thought back to where I was two years ago. I thought back to who I was two years ago. If I could go back to myself two years ago, there would be so many things I'd tell her. First off, I'd give her a hug. I'd tell her that I know things are feeling hard right now, that I know how hard it is to get up every morning and figure out what to because we're lost. I'd reassure her that things are going to turn out okay, better than we'd ever dreamed. That we'd grow an unbelieveable amount and that someday, we'd take our struggles and use them to help someone else out. I'd tell her to let go of that anger that we've been holding inside ourself because it's only going to sit there for a while, and that it never gets us anywhere. That we needed to learn to forgive quicker, and how much happier we would be when we finally just let go. I'd tell her that even though it seems like we lost everyone we cared about, we'd gain even more people who were better and brighter and we'd smile, laugh, and love with them more than we ever had. I'd tell her its okay to cry. That our tears don't compromise our strength. That we'll learn to trust again. I'd tell her not to waste her time on boys that don't deserve us but we're going to meet some amazing people soon. People that'll change our life. We'll discover who we are in the mountains and that our happiness is going to come from working hard and helping others. I'd tell her not to start being so critical of her looks and herself because soon enough, we'll make it habit. It'll be one of our hardest battles yet and that we still haven't conquered it.
I'd tell her that even though we're not sure about it, our Heavenly Father loves us and He's watching out for us every single second. That life is beautiful and we're growing up better and stronger every single day. I'd tell her it'll be okay to take chances and we'll be the better person for it. We'll do things we never dreamed of like, climbing upside down on 100ft cliffs, going places without at least one person we know, or being a part of amazing groups and being looked up to. That we're going to be blessed with a wonderful, beautiful, unexpected, challenging, joyful, loving, bright, happy life and even though I haven't seen even half of it yet, it's going to get even better. I wouldn't tell her everything along the way because even though we're not fond of surprises, some things can't be explained, they have to be felt and experienced. I'd give her another hug, and tell her that it's all going to be okay. Actually, much much much better than okay.

Randi 2010. Status: Starting my first semester at college having a beautifully wonderful group of friends and family, the best life experiences from school, meeting amazing people, being involved in life changing things, having a strong testimony of the gosepl, and knowing who I am and learning to love it.


Goodbye Trevor...

Trevor and I at Winter Ball, senior year.

Trevor and I at Shoshone Falls, senior year after we left the State Capitol

Trevor and I (and Teegan) at his farewell, just a little windswept.

One of my best friends, Trevor, leaves for his mission on Wednesday so I went to his farewell on Sunday. He's the first one to go out of our really tight group of friends and I wasn't expecting it be as hard as it was! I've known Trev since the 7th grade, back when we used to sit next to each other on the bus and he bit my pencil in half once. We had so much fun this year in student council just doing crazy stuff like climbing on the roof (ahem) and when we went to the state capitol and in Special Needs Seminary, at Winter Ball, and pretty much just anything our group of friends did. His talk was so good though and he's going to be a great missionary in Tijuana, Mexico even though we're going to miss him! I went to hug him goodbye and once I looked at him, I seriously started bawling. I seriously told him, "Man, I can't even look at you!" Sheesh. But really, he's going to rock. Because anyone who can die, come back, have an awesome testimony, and be as crazy as he is will definitely be an amazing missionary.

Just a few people who loved Trev enough to come to his farewell.

It was so nice to see my friends again, I missed them.

Good luck, Trev. We love you and we'll miss you. Go dominate.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

One of the Best Classes on Earth...

Just being all philosophical at the kitchen table

Dearest Blog, I am so sorry to have neglected you like a long lost sock on the side of the road (I saw one today) but I am back! Even though I don't have much to brag about (I actually should be writing a paper right now)...but oh well, not much can be done about that. I'm finally getting acclimated to college life and I love my roommates. Our apartment is feeling like second home. My roommates and I are going out tonight for a night together (I'll post pictures of everything soon, I swear). I'm really enjoying a lot of my classes and I'm learning alot. What's one of my favorite classes you ask? Special Needs Institute. Hands down. A lot of people have asked me why I chose to do a special needs religion class again and honestly, I wasn't planning on it. I signed up for the Doctrine and Covenants class and when I walked in the first day, I noticed that it was special needs. I sat down in class and it was pretty different from high school special needs seminary, mainly because a lot of the students aren't teenagers anymore. I wasn't sure if I should stay in it...but I'm so glad that I did. I love that class and it's two hours a week that I get to sit down and forget about me. Forget about my problems, my concerns, my selfish nature...because I'm focusing on another group of kids who know so much more than I do. Why do I do it? Because I love it when David comes in and tells me how working at McDonald's is. I love Larry's smile. I love Amberly telling me that she can't wait to see me the next time we have class. I love Sharon's laugh and Susie's prayers. I love Udell reading the scriptures to us. I love Joey telling me that he loves me and shaking my hand. Joey has Down syndrome and every time I see him I can't help but think of the Down syndrome kids in our high school special needs class. There's something special about kids with Downs. Because I look at them and I know that they're seeing something that I'm not. I came across a quote in the section about Down Syndrome in my Human Development book and all I could think of was the special needs kids that I've been blessed to cross paths with.

"You may have to work hard, but don't ever give up. Always remember that you are important. You are special in your own unique way. And one of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to share yourself with someone else."
-Christi Todd [quoted in Hassold & Patterson, 1999]

There's been some things that I've been struggling with the past few weeks. Letting some parts of my old life go and such. I'm homesick sometimes. I really am missing my friends and some of the people I met this summer. It's hard, much harder than I thought, to let go of some things. I thought I could just be mature and move on quickly but I'm still struggling. I feel as if I'm on some uneven ground and I'd love for it to go back to being easy, carefree summer again. But don't feel all sorry for me because I only share about my struggles here because my blog is my journal of sorts. I pray every night (and sometimes cry in the shower) for a solution and I know that eventually one will come. And hopefully I'll look back in a year and realize that I was absolutely fine. But for now, I could really use a hug sometimes. Good thing I'm going home this weekend.


Redfish Lake

The second to last week of August, my family and I had the opportunity to go to camping at Redfish Lake with some family friends and their family. We had the best time and Redfish Lake is absolutely gorgeous. We played in the picturesque albeit cold lake, rode our bikes around, ate delicious food, battled with wind, went down to the Lodge, laughed, went for drives, played with Camden aka one of the cutest babies on the planet, showered outside, regained cell service, saw beautiful landscape, went to a ghost town and the Yankee Fork dredge, stayed up late but took naps, felt sand beneath our toes and had it come back with us in my backpack, took pictures, and just altogether had a beautiful time.

What a wonderful trip to end the summer with. I'd go back in a heartbeat