I'm procrastinating a paper.

That's the basis for this post.
I just really don't want to write my paper. So I'll type a little collection of stories.
I've been annoyed with my classes as of late. I feel that my assignments don't have much to do with my classes, that their purpose is to fulfill my teachers' personal agendas of what they think about their professions of professing. My patience runs thin.
Boyfriend and I watched Phantom of the Opera on Monday night. I forgot how much I love that movie. Seriously, I was obsessed when it came out. I was in 7th grade. I had stills from the movie taped inside my locker. This is a true story. Today, I listened to the soundtrack on Spotify. 7th grade Randi would be proud.
Speaking of Boyfriend, we went on a classy Lunchables date on Monday too. I wanted the pizza Lunchables     and Boyfriend complied (I attribute this to being that when I was at the commonly acceptable age for Lunchables, my mom always bought us the cracker kind with the meat and cheese. I think she thought it had a little bit more nutritional value. Mom, thanks for watching out for us. By the way, I got the pizza AND the cracker kind).
Boyfriend also has shifts that I'm not particularly fond of for the next two weeks. 2pm-10pm. Erryday. With a 30 minute commute. I am weak sauce, I know. It could be way worse. So, I'll just look at it on the side of that maybe I'll study a little bit more without the 5th roommate hanging around.
Speaking of roommates, I have really great ones who put up with me being gone a lot. Plus, they're funny. We pick up on each other's weird habits and somehow emulate them into our own lives. Thanks to me, the word "dude" is incorporated daily into our conversations. I said it a lot before and I think that hanging out with teenagers all summer encouraged it even more. So, dude.

Also, once upon a time, I went to my class entitled Human Sexuality (yes, that is a required course for me this semester). So here I am in class, learning waaaaaaay too much about my classmates' personal lives. Sometimes I want to be like, "DUDES, I appreciate that you feel so comfortable with all of us but pleaseeeeeee stop sharing your personal information. I didn't want to know that about you." But, because our class is a safe place, I don't.

But I wish I did.
Now I have to go write said paper for said class above.

me gusta...

On a Monday Wal-Mart run this summer in Rexburg 

This kid has been gone all week for a funeral in California.

No me gusta.

He comes home tomorrow.

That look on my face pretty much sums up how I feel about it right now. 

And the fact that it's Friday and I'm playing with my roommate tonight.

And then...

He comes home. 

I'm now a sap. 

things are different now

{via}

things are different now.
not bad different, just different.

I haven't written for a long time.
There's a part of me that's been delaying this post. Parts of me contemplated even deleting my blog. But there's things that I wrote here like when I started college and those experiences. So hey, I'll keep it.
This summer was life-changing. I had the opportunity to be a efy counselor for my church and I can honestly say that I don't know if I've ever done something so amazing before. I can't even write what's in my heart. I made the best memories, the best friends, the best relationships, and I can never be the same. If you're official Facebook friends with me (Facebook official..ha-ha) then you saw the million things I posted all summer.
I'll sum up the experience with one word...love.

Now for the other part.
I wrote about a boy. A boy that I cared about deeply. Things were not serious at that point and I readily recognize that. But I secretly planned maybe something would happen in the future because he had always been there. I felt that things were coming back together with us, albeit through a whirlwind. But through the time we knew each other, when we cared, we cared. When we fought, we fought. There were highs and there were lows. I think we've hit the lowest of our lows. After something that happened this summer, things have changed.
I'll sum up the experience with one word...hurt.

I don't know if I'll ever understand it. There are things that were said, mean things that I will never forget, things that really really hurt and really stuck. I felt like I didn't know where to go from that point on. I don't completely understand his side of it, I probably never will.
I'm okay with it. A part of me feels that I was being prepared for it. A few weeks after I got the letter that changed it all, I was re-reading through parts of my personal journal. In the entries preceding the week I got the letter, I had written something...
"If there comes a time that we're not together and are happy with other people, I still hope he knows how happy he once made me."
We had been happy together. I make no claims that I was "waiting for him". But we had been friends, had dated, and I thought the happiest I had ever been was with him. Things change though. Sometimes it's an easy transition, other times it comes about in hurtful words and feelings. But no matter what, it's do-able. Like a friend and I always say back and forth to each other, it's do-able. Not preferable, but do-able.
I wish him all the best.
I hope that I never minimize the relationships that I've had over this past year, whether on this blog forum or life in general. I hope they don't come off as being too dramatically portrayed. I recognize that these are my feelings and thoughts that I'm putting out here, they are from my side of things. But this is me, this is what I put out there, and I'm comfortable with it.

So there's my story.
Ready for another one?

After a week off efy (in which I received the letter mentioned above), I returned to my summer job. I won't lie, when I returned to my new location, I had a bad attitude. I didn't particularly want to be there, I wanted to be at another campus with my friends that I had made there. But Heavenly Father knew where I needed to be. I had one of the best groups of kids that I had all summer. I can't believe that I would have missed having these children. I met new friends and began to really love an all new team, a team that I would work on two more times and I would cry when I left, and I would later go on a trip to Disneyland with a group of friends from that team.
I made a best friend. We laughed about our kids, taught the gospel together, and he became my best partner. He was the one who gave me advice, the one who I sat and talked with for hours during free time and meals, the one who could make me laugh at anything, the only other one who loved our kids as much as I did, and he became my best friend.

Coincidentally, he's now my boyfriend.
Life works in mysterious ways, friends.

and it goes on...

 I've been a little absent, but for entirely good reasons.

I wish that I could put every single thing that has happened this summer in every bit of its ever-loving detailed glory...

but I'll spare you of that. 

I'll just go over the things that are of a need to know basis.

#1: I have the best job in the world. For those of you who haven't seen my Facebook, I'm a EFY counselor for the summer and it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. It is easily one of the best things I will do in my life. I get to hang out with youth, have spiritual experiences, and get paid for it. Most of the time it seems unreal and unfair that I get to have these experiences just because they are so good. 

Of course, life is a little crazy when you work 19 hour days, take care of teenagers all day, and don't get a lot of sleep but the pay-offs of the kids and the friendships I've made with other counselors make it all worth it. Even when I feel like I'm going to die from a sufficient lack of sleep, I find more than enough to kneel down every night and pour my heart out in gratitude. It hasn't always been peachy, I've had rough times with tough kids who don't want to be there, kids who get sick/pass out, kids who have hard trials in their lives, but it always works out. So far, I've worked personally with 112 kids this summer. 

I didn't know my heart could hold so much love every single week. 

hey guys

I'm moved home for the month of May.

I really like being home.

I'm officially twenty years old.

I joined the club of adults. Adios teens.

 Hear that roommates? I'm one of you now!

I've got stank face because I haven't gotten anything in the mail for a while.

Staaaaank face.

At least I think that's what that face is.

Anyways, just a quick little update.

I don't know what to do...

 "I don't know what to do, MY WHOLE BRAIN IS CRYING."

This week. 

Moving out of my apartment week.

Packing all my crap week.

I'd better get a letter week.

I'm going to lose it week. 

Say goodbye and cry week.

I don't want to do this anymore week.

Procrastination catches up to you week.

Cleaning like a mad woman week.

I'd just really like to pass this class week.

I'M ALMOST DONE WEEK.

Finals week, my friends. 

hunger games ya'll...

I have a fierce love for The Hunger Games. 

For reals. Those books make me feel like dying inside-in a good way. 

So when the movie came out, the roommates and I were all over the midnight premiere like Katniss on a loaf of burned bread (haha). Armed with our Hunger Games hair wraps, tee shirts, and books, we ventured to the theater to wait for seven hours. Won't lie, I wanted to punch out some kids who tried to cut us in line at the very end. Don't be messing with me and my Hunger Games love. Also, I almost got lynched when I mentioned to some eight graders that I didn't love Peeta the first time I read the book. 

Which brings me to my next point...dudes, we were like the oldest ones in our theater. Surrounded by teeny-boppers up the wazoo. 

 When I first walked out of the theater, I didn't know what I just saw. I just sat there in a dumbfounded silence. I feel like when you watch a movie based on a book that you so dearly love, you need a few days to process it. I wasn't sure if I liked it after I saw it. I was very on the fence. But the longer that I've had time to process and digest, I do really really really like it. The only struggle I had with it was that there was one scene that I personally and so deeply wanted to be in the movie. I understand the reasons why it wasn't placed in the movie completely, but for myself, that scene is so dear and wonderful to me that I couldn't imagine the story without it. 

 But guys, the casting is so spot on. I couldn't find a character that I did not like. The filming is so raw. It's so Hunger Games-esque. If you haven't read the books, spoiler alerts ahead. If you haven't seen the movie, I'll try my best not to give anything away that you didn't know about. 

-I cried. A lot. It might have to do with the fact that I was already emotional, or that it was late, or that it was so freaking heart breaking to watch The Reaping, Katniss before the enters the arena, Rue, and Peeta's sheer love for Katniss. Probably the last one. 

-I renounce my earliest fears about Jennifer Lawrence portrayed as Katniss. Jennifer Lawrence is the MOST perfect Katniss. Amen. 

-Peeta freakin' Mellark. And Josh Hutcherson as Peeta freakin' Mellark. I swear, he's perfection on that screen you guys. I wanted to die-in a good way, every time he spoke or looked at Katniss. 

-The Tributes, especially the Careers are spot on. Cato gives me the heebie jeebies. 

-Caesar Flickerman is hilarious. And Effie and Haymitch are amazing. CINNA IS MIND-BLOWING. 

-The Mutts almost made me pee my pants I was so scared. 

 -Cave Scene. The berries. Peeta hugging Katniss. I DIE.

 I'd like to just write every freaking thing down but that would take days upon days. I'll just leave you with one last thing.

braid touch.

I died.

marchy march...

remember last year how i didn't want to move out of my apartment and i began lamenting it clear back in january?
it's about ten times worse this year.
this apartment this year is affectionately referred as THE DREAM TEAM.
Because we are.
We are a mash of five different personalities that combine together oh too well.
there's never a boring moment.

this year i've been mostly absent from my regular blogging habits. and i'm sorry, but my blogging habits will still probably tend to be more sporadic.

i am happy and content.
i hate moving. packing things into boxes makes me cranky.
but i love the plans that have been made for the next few months and the summer. spring break, the hunger games movie premier, the festival of colors, being an EFY counselor for the summer, just to name a few. and THE DREAM TEAM is still together for a few more months.
gosh, life is so great.

from down under...

first letter from australia.
yes, i have been anticipating this letter for a few days...
i sent a letter from dearelder back in january. i've been checking the mail ever since. cue to tuesday. tuesdays are known as taco tuesdays around these parts. meaning friends and roommates go and get tacos at cafe rio because they are cheap on tuesdays. in the midst of getting myself a drink (diet coke and vanilla coke mixed, yum) i received a phone call from my dad...and the first thing he said to me was, "you have a letter from down under here."
yes, i had a freak out in cafe rio.
okay, a mildly big freak out.
i think the first thing i said was, "why did he send it there!?!"
thankfully, the parents mailed it to me the very next day.
cue to today. lo and behold, there was finally mail in the mailbox for me.
i just stared at it at my kitchen table for a few minutes before even opening it.
have you seen this clip?
pretty sure i was running around an 8 on the scale.
i might have cried a little.

you know you're a college student when...

you know you're a college student when...
-you try to put off doing groceries until you realize that you have nothing to use to pack a lunch for tomorrow..or eat for dinner...so you begrudgingly leave.
-upon returning from said trip, the first thing you excitedly say to your roommate is, "I HAVE FOOD!!!!!!!!!"
-you're still putting off laundry.
-going to bed early is a reward.
-you try to figure out how many things you can buy with change i.e. pennies and nickles.
-highlighters are you're new best friend.
-when three exams in one week start sounding pretty doable. that or you're just trying to kid yourself. or you're in denial. let's go with the latter.
-when your teacher says you can bring one page of notes for the exam if you so choose...and your first thought is, "four chapters? challenge accepted."


yes, i now have carpal tunnel.

awkward plasma visit

If you read this other blog, then this post is exactly the same. Don't be hatin'...

As a typical college student, I try to spend the least amount of money possible and bring in as much as I can. Enter, plasma donation. While some people may consider selling plasma as being less than favorable because of the circumstances of selling something from one's body, I am willing. I would probably sell a kidney if it wasn't illegal... yeah anyways, I went and donated plasma on Tuesday and there was a whole round of tests and questions that I had to answer and complete before I could even start pumping the plasma.
Here are my thoughts from my donation:
-the finger prick hurts almost worse than the donation itself
-one gets asked the same questions over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over.
-the whole questionnaire part probably would have gone faster if I could have just said, "No, I've never done drugs, I've never had sex, and I've never been to Africa or exposed to AIDS/HIV." All the while, I was wearing my Institute tee-shirt.
-my two favorite questions were probably 1) "Are you ears pierced and currently open?" I was wearing earrings that day. Muahaha. 2) "Have you ever been pregnant or are currently so?" No sir. 3) "Are you breastfeeding?" Again, negatory.
-I was at the plasma center from 3:30pm-6:50pm.
-the needle that the physicians use is FREAKING HUGE.
-it's probably not a good thing when you're donating plasma and then guy sticking you with a needle says, "Oh, that's not supposed to be happening..." and then you look and see that your vein is turning into a lump the size of a quarter. Just saying.
-getting a giant ice pack taped to said arm from above and then having two immobilized arms.
-seeing an old boyfriend from high school whom you haven't seen for about five years. That's all I'm saying about that.
-THE CROWNING AWKWARD MOMENT OF THE ENTIRE VISIT: getting a male physician for the physical. Who happens to be cute and around the same age as you. And then that whole awkward moment when he has to listen to your breathing and heartbeat under your shirt. With his cold hands. No worries, there was a female physician in there at the same time. Oh and then when they're pumping blood out of you and BOTH your arms hurt and you're breathing in and out of your mouth so you don't cry/throw up, he happens to come from the front room and check on you. Awwwwwkward.

Also, gnaaarly bruise my friends.


Oh, and I'm going again today.
All for the money, my friends.

majoring in feline habitability...

Friends...my roommate Alisha and I were in Child Guidance today and we were watching a clip about the myth of over-population depicted by stick figures of sorts. So of course, it's talking about how many children each woman should have and then it goes into women who don't have children...they totally had a stick figure woman with cats around her stick ankles. I couldn't stop laughing. Really hard. Pretty sure Alisha and I were bent over laughing in our laps during class.
You see, it is a common inside joke around my family and friends that I self proclaim myself as possibly becoming a cat lady. So cat lady stuff is kind of my favorite. It's terribly funny to me. And then Alisha and I decided we could major in feline habitability. You know, be a professional cat lady with a degree. Think they offer that any where?
In other things, thanks for the kind words over my post below. I have not yet received a letter from my friend in Australia, but all is well. Just as a disclaimer, I am not formally waiting for this fellow down under. He is however, a good friend, a perfect gentleman, and the nicest boy I have ever dated. He also has a habit of popping back into my life now and then and throwing my mind into a tailspin, as evidenced below. I do not know what the future holds and I do not know who is in it, but I do know that my future is in hands much more capable than mine.
Also, feline habitability has a nice ring to it....
Just kidding...maybe.

thousands of miles, a few years...

You know how sometimes people say you don't know what you have till it's gone?
People are dumb. And sometimes right.
I wouldn't say that I'm a hopeless romantic.
Actually, sometimes I'm a little bit of a runner about commitment-it makes me nervous.
But once there was a time when someone came along and I realized that I really really really liked him.
I even wrote about him a few times. I didn't think that it would be anything that would last for a while. Then it came to the end and...
I was ready for it to keep going.
But we'd made a mistake. We'd given ourselves a deadline.
Looking back, things wouldn't have worked out at that moment in time but giving ourselves a deadline is one of the stupidest things I have ever done.
There are things I wish I could take back. There were moments that he came back into my life over the past year but among those times I was afraid, I was hesitant, I was focusing on other things and other people, I was convinced that I had found another boy that I liked even more.
And it wasn't till I really saw, till I understood, that I remembered. I remembered everything. The good, the bad, the ugly, the wonderful...all of it.
The summer nights, the laughing, the fact that he remembered things like my favorite places to go, when he would turn up my favorite songs in the car, how he made me laugh, the way he would pull me over to sit next to him in the front seat while he was driving, floating down a river in the rain, the way he'd reach over to hold my hand. And the times I cried because of the distance, because he was distant, the fact that he wasn't him when I would finally see him on weekends, the fights, the anger, the unkind things we'd said, and the very end.
Coincidentally, all this flashed into my mind when I saw him up at a pulpit giving his farewell talk to his ward.
There would be one more time that I would see him before he'd leave on an adventure for two years. I would choke and not tell him the things I would want to most. But I would get a hug that would last me for two years. And I would hear him say one last thing to me, "You go and get your degree." To everyone else, it may not seem like a great farewell statement. But to me, it meant the world because he knows me. He knows the things that mean the very most to me.
So yeah, you don't really know what you had till it's thousands of miles away. And you don't know if you can ever have it back. So you just hope, and wait....and check the mail every day.