“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”- Anatole France
Monday, August 9, 2010
On The Verge...
My life is on the verge of changing. And I'm terrified beyond reason. I'm so ridiculously scared. I keep closing my eyes and praying to myself, "Remember how it is right now, exactly how it is, because it won't be like this forever." How did the past four years fly by so quickly? When did everything change? Did I miss the memo that said: "Remember and savor everything because it's going to pass by quicker than you'll know." College starts in a little over two weeks...I'm so not ready and I don't even know when I'll become ready. I'm scared. I'm not ready to leave behind my old perfectly small, comfortably familiar life. I'm not ready to leave home and my own room. I wake up in my bed every morning and try to appreciate it because once I leave home, it'll all change. I'm not ready to leave behind my family or my friends. I'm comfortable with my routine that I have now. I've been really emotional about this year being my last year at Cedar Badge lately and I'm beginning to really question my decision about this being my very last year. I'm really struggling with it. I feel like crying every time I think about it. Actually, I'm beginning to question every decision that I've made about my future lately. I'm so unsure. This weekend was the last trip I had with my friends before everything changes. Bee, Chels, and I had to leave earlier than everyone else on Saturday and as we were pulling away on the boat, I took one last look at everyone. Our theme song for the weekend was playing and everyone was dancing and waving goodbye to us. I closed my eyes and took a mental snapshot of the lake, my friends, and the entire weekend. And a little part of my heart was sniffling inside because this is the last time that we'll all be together for a while. I turned to Bee and told her, "This makes me sad. Where did the weekend go? Everything changes after this." I feel like everything is rushing past me and all I want to do is just make it slow down for just a second. Till I can catch up and feel like I can breathe again. Because right now? I'm a little shaken and I need some time to anchor myself...
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”- Anatole France
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”- Anatole France
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2 comments:
Cute girl. You will do great. And in no time at all you will see that you are where you are supposed to be and while you will remember fondly the memories, you will be creating so many new and amazing ones. College is amazing. The experience, the friends, the education, the life lessons learned. Keep your chin up and look forward to the upcoming days!
And remember, I can come see you anytime you need :)
Ya know Fransisco, I know its scary and change sometimes sucks, but im jealous of you. Your taking a big step and making a big change and your gonna grow SO much from it. Me on the other hand will still be at home and close to everybody when I want to take a big step and grow. I know it might be hard for you to see now, but you'll soon know that what your doing is great and you will be so blessed for it. I really want that.
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