Goodbye Trevor...

Trevor and I at Winter Ball, senior year.


Trevor and I at Shoshone Falls, senior year after we left the State Capitol


Trevor and I (and Teegan) at his farewell, just a little windswept.
One of my best friends, Trevor, leaves for his mission on Wednesday so I went to his farewell on Sunday. He's the first one to go out of our really tight group of friends and I wasn't expecting it be as hard as it was! I've known Trev since the 7th grade, back when we used to sit next to each other on the bus and he bit my pencil in half once. We had so much fun this year in student council just doing crazy stuff like climbing on the roof (ahem) and when we went to the state capitol and in Special Needs Seminary, at Winter Ball, and pretty much just anything our group of friends did. His talk was so good though and he's going to be a great missionary in Tijuana, Mexico even though we're going to miss him! I went to hug him goodbye and once I looked at him, I seriously started bawling. I seriously told him, "Man, I can't even look at you!" Sheesh. But really, he's going to rock. Because anyone who can die, come back, have an awesome testimony, and be as crazy as he is will definitely be an amazing missionary.

Just a few people who loved Trev enough to come to his farewell.



It was so nice to see my friends again, I missed them.




Good luck, Trev. We love you and we'll miss you. Go dominate.

One of the Best Classes on Earth...

Just being all philosophical at the kitchen table
Dearest Blog, I am so sorry to have neglected you like a long lost sock on the side of the road (I saw one today) but I am back! Even though I don't have much to brag about (I actually should be writing a paper right now)...but oh well, not much can be done about that. I'm finally getting acclimated to college life and I love my roommates. Our apartment is feeling like second home. My roommates and I are going out tonight for a night together (I'll post pictures of everything soon, I swear). I'm really enjoying a lot of my classes and I'm learning alot. What's one of my favorite classes you ask? Special Needs Institute. Hands down. A lot of people have asked me why I chose to do a special needs religion class again and honestly, I wasn't planning on it. I signed up for the Doctrine and Covenants class and when I walked in the first day, I noticed that it was special needs. I sat down in class and it was pretty different from high school special needs seminary, mainly because a lot of the students aren't teenagers anymore. I wasn't sure if I should stay in it...but I'm so glad that I did. I love that class and it's two hours a week that I get to sit down and forget about me. Forget about my problems, my concerns, my selfish nature...because I'm focusing on another group of kids who know so much more than I do. Why do I do it? Because I love it when David comes in and tells me how working at McDonald's is. I love Larry's smile. I love Amberly telling me that she can't wait to see me the next time we have class. I love Sharon's laugh and Susie's prayers. I love Udell reading the scriptures to us. I love Joey telling me that he loves me and shaking my hand. Joey has Down syndrome and every time I see him I can't help but think of the Down syndrome kids in our high school special needs class. There's something special about kids with Downs. Because I look at them and I know that they're seeing something that I'm not. I came across a quote in the section about Down Syndrome in my Human Development book and all I could think of was the special needs kids that I've been blessed to cross paths with.

"You may have to work hard, but don't ever give up. Always remember that you are important. You are special in your own unique way. And one of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to share yourself with someone else."
-Christi Todd [quoted in Hassold & Patterson, 1999]

There's been some things that I've been struggling with the past few weeks. Letting some parts of my old life go and such. I'm homesick sometimes. I really am missing my friends and some of the people I met this summer. It's hard, much harder than I thought, to let go of some things. I thought I could just be mature and move on quickly but I'm still struggling. I feel as if I'm on some uneven ground and I'd love for it to go back to being easy, carefree summer again. But don't feel all sorry for me because I only share about my struggles here because my blog is my journal of sorts. I pray every night (and sometimes cry in the shower) for a solution and I know that eventually one will come. And hopefully I'll look back in a year and realize that I was absolutely fine. But for now, I could really use a hug sometimes. Good thing I'm going home this weekend.

Redfish Lake

The second to last week of August, my family and I had the opportunity to go to camping at Redfish Lake with some family friends and their family. We had the best time and Redfish Lake is absolutely gorgeous. We played in the picturesque albeit cold lake, rode our bikes around, ate delicious food, battled with wind, went down to the Lodge, laughed, went for drives, played with Camden aka one of the cutest babies on the planet, showered outside, regained cell service, saw beautiful landscape, went to a ghost town and the Yankee Fork dredge, stayed up late but took naps, felt sand beneath our toes and had it come back with us in my backpack, took pictures, and just altogether had a beautiful time.











What a wonderful trip to end the summer with. I'd go back in a heartbeat

Acclimating...

Alright, I'm back. Finally got back in the mood to blog tonight. This past week has been insane with getting ready for college and such. Tuesday, I drove down to Logan with my mom and half my stuff (I had a class that I had to be here for Wed-Sat and I couldn't move in till my apartment till Friday) and we stayed in a hotel for the week. Friday, while I was in class, my family moved me into my apartment and got me all situated. I had an activity that night that was called the Taste of Logan and I walked around with my new friends and we tried new restraunts and got coupons and such. Go college kids. I stayed in the apartment all by myself that night (none of my other roomates had fully moved in) and let me tell you, I was not really lovin' it but I just locked my door and my bedroom door, put the pepper spray by my bed, and stayed up till one o' clock texting and watching Project Runway. Saturday, I had class which was pretty bummer but I went and it was a really great experience. My class was a class that was centered around helping freshmen get acclimated and everything so some things were pretty boring but some things were actually worthwhile. The first day of class we went and volunteered at a center for Spanish families. I met this girl named Aubrey and we immediately clicked and hung out all week. Saturday, we met in the auditorium and listened to our speaker, Luma Mufleh, coach of the refugee soccer team the Fugees. For my class we had to read a book and the book this year was Outcasts United by Warren St. John. It's all about the Fugees soccer team and the story is pretty amazing so it was a great opportunity to listen to her speak and see what kind of person she is.
I went and hung with my parents for a little bit on Saturday before they left. When they were leaving, I was having a really hard time with it because I knew that once they left, I was on my own. Moving out has been really hard because even though I know that I'll be coming back home, I don't think things will ever be the same again. I'll never live at home quite the same again because I've left. Once my parents left, I honestly sat down on the floor of my living room and bawled. Full on crying, hiccuping, sobbing, for about ten minutes (I was glad that my roomates hadn't moved in yet so I could just be upset for a while). Even now I'm still having a hard time because a part of me just wants to be home, plain and simple. I went to church with my friend Aubrey today and one of the hymns we sang was exactly what I needed to hear. #85 How Firm a Foundation. The third verse got to me especially:
“Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed!
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
It was perfect. I took the Sacrament and I could feel the Spirit with me. It was even better when I went to Ward Prayer with my roomates.
That's a little bit of college so far. I'll upload some pictures of my room and my roomates soon. My room is pretty cute and it's starting to feel like another home. Hopefully I get more motivated to write some more and not get so down and neglect my poor little blog. I'll be back soon.

P.S.
I have a crush. And it's really hard because he's home and I'm here. And I don't know if he feels the same. And I don't really like it. Oh well, I suppose. We'll see what happens.

New Blog Posts Stat..

I apologize for the lack of blog posts lately. I have been feeling completely unmotivated and even though many new things have happened lately...I have not shared them with the blogging world. I swear, I'm going to sit down this week and post about the last week of summer, Redfish Lake, the boy I have a crush on, my new apartment, and college. I just don't feel like it right now. Not that anything is direly wrong...I'm just feeling like a bump on the log. Be back soon.

>

The Great Outdoors...

So I'm finally getting around to posting about the Palisades trip I took with my friends. I know, I know, but it took me forever to finally get around to post the pictures. Because hey, this is going to be a long post and pictures will be needed. Two weeks ago, some friends and I took a trip to Palisades Reservoir in order to have one last trip before summer ends and college begins. I was so glad to have this chance to go hang out with some of my closest friends before we all go our separate ways. One group went up earlier while some of us came up later. I drove up and my car was a party. Case in point: Chels had made some cookie bars that we were eating on the way up. She decided that I should drive with both hands on the wheel so she would need to feed me my cookie bar. Let's just say that Bee had to grab the wheel once because I was blinded and had my mouth stuffed really full. We got to the campsite (safely) and situated ourselves. We hung around, ate dinner, and just talked. Chels and I decided to go back to our tent a little earlier than everyone else and Josh came in and talked to us. We were having a good conversation when all the sudden Chels yelled, "SPIDER! Josh! Get the bugs NOW!" I never knew that Chels didn't like spiders. Josh was a good guy and killed our spiders for us and we talked until we decided to go to bed. The next morning we got ready quickly so we could go get a floating dock on the lake. We went and got a dock and then some people started out tubing and wake boarding. My friend Trevor was a beast on the tube. Almost nothing could get that kid off and if I had ridden with him (I have a slight fear of tubing) I would have been off in ten seconds. Chels was brave enough to ride with him and let me just say, that girl is tough. Way more tough than I am. We hung around on the dock, swam and then we went and played mud football on the muddy shore. The funny thing about the mud on shore is that if you get down near the mud in the water there are big holes that'll suck you in to about your thigh. So there's nothing more funny than running along and just dropping into the mud. Really, its hilarious. Even though it rained a few times throughout the day (we prayed for good weather) the little storms we had were nothing compared to the storm we encountered on our way back to camp. Big time wind. We got out of the water just in time but some boats required our manly friend's assistance. I can't believe how crazy the weather changed! One second, it was hot and sunny, and the next it looked like this! After we got back to camp it rained. And rained. And eventually we all piled into the trailer to stay warm and dry. We sat and talked and laughed some more and eventually, a bunch of us ended up in a pile on the floor, all laying on each other. I lifted my head a little bit and saw Trista laying on my stomach, Chloe on my legs, I had my feet underneath Josh's legs, and my head was right next to Bee's. Do you ever have those moments where you think to yourself, "I'm so happy right now"? That was one of those moments where everything falls into place, you're warm and safe, and just plain happy.
The next morning was gorgeous and even though a lot of us were sunburned, we went out onto the lake again. We didn't get a floating dock but we did find an old wooden washed up dock on shore that we used as base camp for the day. We swam around some more, boated, ate lots of food, ran and went sink hole jumping, and just had a good time. Eventually another storm came up, and we went and hid underneath our dock which worked out perfect.

We sat and made sandwiches and ate a lot of junk food. A lot. We sang to our playlist for the weekend and just waited for the storm to pass. Sadly, I had to leave a little earlier than everyone else so when the rained cleared enough, me and Chels and Bee left. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I felt sad to be leaving. Our song for the weekend was playing and everyone was waving goodbye to us and I knew that soon enough, everything was going to be changing and that this was one of the last times that we would all be together for a while. I closed my eyes and took a mental snapshot and then drove home with all that warm fuzziness in my heart.


It was a good weekend.

Newest Obesession...

I love home decorating/crafting/refurbishing blogs.
I'm obsessed. There are projects on almost all of these that I would love to start doing. If I had a home...then I would be buying crap off craigslist or going to the DI so I could find things to refurbish because I have been inspired. Want to see some of my favorites? Check these ladies out. But be careful..you may become addicted like me.

Remodelaholic
All Things Thrifty by Brooke
Drab To Fab
Make It and Love It
Three Men and a Lady
Poppies at Play
Redberry Barn

Few of the things I made from inspiration from these ladies. I love making rosettes now and I made this handy bow holder from a frame, ribbon, scrapbooke paper, paint and modge podge.













Don't say I didn't warn you.

Confessions of a Long Ago Dancer

Honeybees after a competition 2008
I used to dance. And I loved it. Every so often I get a little ache inside of me that misses that feeling of expression, my once flexibility, the feeling I used to get when I nailed choreography, the team camaraderie, competition trips, and that two minutes and thirty seconds to put everything out on the floor and impress people. You see, I had to quit dance after my sophomore year because I was very sick. And even though I was honestly relieved to not have to get up at 5:00 a.m. anymore or wake up feeling like every part of me was broken and be covered in bruises, or run as a punishment, or deal with drama from coaches and team mates, sometimes I still miss it. I don't really regret my decision because that team was hurting me in more ways that one. But I do miss little things about the team (like competing and friends) and I'm both glad and sad for the things I learned.
Ten Confessions of a Long Ago Dancer:
1. Sometimes I hear songs on the radio and I still count out the beats because I think it would make a good kick/prop/jazz/hip hop dance.
2. I still like to wear my leg warmers around the house.
3. A tiny part of me wishes that she could still slick her hair back into the tightest bun possible and put on heavy dance makeup because she thought it was a little cool and so dramatic.
4. I still do leaps and turns in my house and kitchen.
5. I still like to stand in first and third position.
6. I have body issues like many girls. But I contribute a lot of them to how I felt pressured to look a certain way when I danced.
7. I think its hilarious when people look at me and say, "You were on the dance team!?". You see, our dance team didn't have the best long standing reputation. And I was known as being very shy. The two didn't mix.
8. I learned that it takes a lot to make me quit. My parents begged for me to quit my sophomore year because of how sick I was. I wanted to last out the entire year. And I did (except for being pulled out of the state competition for medical release). Stubborn as all get out.
9. I no longer am very shy about changing in front of other people. Having to do a a costume change (with..ahem..no underthings on..to prevent panty lines..) with only ten minutes between performances will do that to you.
10. I learned that I can virtually sleep anywhere if I have something to lean against.
So while I haven't danced for a few years...I still like to try and do fouettes in my kitchen. Because I was a dancer once. Don't judge.

On The Verge...

My life is on the verge of changing. And I'm terrified beyond reason. I'm so ridiculously scared. I keep closing my eyes and praying to myself, "Remember how it is right now, exactly how it is, because it won't be like this forever." How did the past four years fly by so quickly? When did everything change? Did I miss the memo that said: "Remember and savor everything because it's going to pass by quicker than you'll know." College starts in a little over two weeks...I'm so not ready and I don't even know when I'll become ready. I'm scared. I'm not ready to leave behind my old perfectly small, comfortably familiar life. I'm not ready to leave home and my own room. I wake up in my bed every morning and try to appreciate it because once I leave home, it'll all change. I'm not ready to leave behind my family or my friends. I'm comfortable with my routine that I have now. I've been really emotional about this year being my last year at Cedar Badge lately and I'm beginning to really question my decision about this being my very last year. I'm really struggling with it. I feel like crying every time I think about it. Actually, I'm beginning to question every decision that I've made about my future lately. I'm so unsure. This weekend was the last trip I had with my friends before everything changes. Bee, Chels, and I had to leave earlier than everyone else on Saturday and as we were pulling away on the boat, I took one last look at everyone. Our theme song for the weekend was playing and everyone was dancing and waving goodbye to us. I closed my eyes and took a mental snapshot of the lake, my friends, and the entire weekend. And a little part of my heart was sniffling inside because this is the last time that we'll all be together for a while. I turned to Bee and told her, "This makes me sad. Where did the weekend go? Everything changes after this." I feel like everything is rushing past me and all I want to do is just make it slow down for just a second. Till I can catch up and feel like I can breathe again. Because right now? I'm a little shaken and I need some time to anchor myself...

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”- Anatole France

Chalking and a Countdown...

As I mentioned in my previous post, I'm leaving for college near the end of the month so I'm trying to live up as much summer as I possibly can before its back to a new school, books, and homework. Last night was Girl's Night and even though only a few of us could make it, we had fun (like always). I showed up later than everyone else so by time I finally came around, there were only three of us. We were in Bee's basement and baked cookies and sat on the counters so we could just talk..because we're girls and we like to do stuff like that. We talked about how EXCITED we are to be going to Palisades Reservoir at the end of the week with our group and all the shenanigans that we might pull. Then we decided that we needed to pull more shenanigans that night! So we went Chalking. What is Chalking you might ask? Chalking is the new TP. Chalking is a ridiculous amount of fun. And Chalking involves what it sounds like: chalk. It's basically going to someones house and decorating their driveway/sidewalk. Way better than TP because it's more original and no one has to clean anything up. Unless you write dirty words or something but we're good girls and we would never do anything like that. So we went and chalked a few of our friends houses. We ran around with our hoods on and army crawled through yards. We almost got caught at the first house..and then we got caught at the second house! We didn't even hear our friend's family come out of the house till we turned around and there they were! So we ran to our getaway car and tried to lose them through the neighborhood but they decided to follow us! But we're super sneaky and pulled some evasive maneuvers and eventually after racing though a few neighborhoods and Chels yelling things (nice things) at them through the sun-roof, we lost them. James Bond, Ethan Hunt..they got nothin' on us. We didn't make anymore mistakes after that. The Little Pink Piranhas/Dinos/Ponies/Tacos are too good for that.
Speaking of Palisades Reservoir, I cannot wait! We're leaving tomorrow night and then we're coming back Saturday. I need to pack tonight before my date though. That's right, I've got another date. And I can't wait for this weekend! Woo! I love me some summertime.

Isn't Palisades gorgeous?

Date #5 and a Mathematic Equation...

Well...we went on our fifth date last night (he's the guy from the First Date Dilemmas post). It was pretty perfect and we had a lot of fun. And I laughed alot. Just one of those summer nights. We decided to spend some time together before he leaves on vacation and I leave to school. Ah, summer flings. I'll show you the simple mathmatic equation.

+

=


Simple enough?

What the...August?!

Can someone explain to me how August is here already? Where did my summer go? When did the plans of sitting by Rigby Lake to get tan, eating Popsicles everyday, having water fights, and everything else that embodies summer slide right by me? Was I just not looking? Because its August! And I know exactly why this is making me freak out...because I leave for college in 21 days. 21 days. That's all I have left of my teenage freedom. That doesn't seem quite fair to me just yet. I had two big things that designated my summer for me. Cedar Badge and college. Beginning and end. And I felt very let down after Cedar Badge. Not because I didn't have a great time (read the post, you'll wish you were there too) but because that was the BIG thing of my summer. And now? College. Which is exciting but..I'm not quite ready for it yet. 21 days left of summer. What happened this summer weekend? This weekend I went floating a canal with the first-date boy (even though this was like the fourth date) and some of his friends. It was a lot of fun even though the heavens opened upon us and it poured. And I mean poured. And then it pounded so hard that it was starting to sting a little bit and I was walking a little blindly because the rain was going right into my eyes. But it was an adventure. And I couldn't help but laugh when we were floating along in the rain even though we were shivering. Because it was pretty funny. Even though I was freezing and my back hurt a little bit from when I hit a giant rock hiding in the shallow water. And my scab from my nasty leg fell off in the water. Remember my nasty leg? Yeah, well it got nastier. Nasty enough in fact, that I went to the doctor who informed me it was infected and that I now needed to take antibiotics twice a day till my two bottles were gone. All because of socks! What else happened this weekend? I smacked my head on the bench in front of me at church. And now I have a bruise that is very tender. How you may ask, because it is common knowledge that banging your head on the bench in front of you in commonly reserved for those individuals aged 0-4? Well amidst being kicked in my bad leg, getting toys thrown at me, getting my skirt hiked clear up by a certain child on my lap, trying to keep that certain child from pulling her dress up, and trying to pick up a toy, I walloped my head. And unlike those 0-4 year olds, I can't start to cry and look at my mother with tear-filled eyes, demanding consolation in the form of a fruit snack because I have a few years on the o-4 year olds. So I have to be a grown up and whisper, "Fetch!" under my breath and blink really fast a few times. I'm going camping this weekend with some friends. It's going to be a grand time because we'll get to spend some time together because a lot of us head off to college and Trevor leaves on his mission. I'm quite excited for it...because I'm hoping that I'll get a little tan, and take a bunch of pictures, and pretty much laugh my head off. Because hey, I've only got 21 days of summer left.


P.S.
Remember Navy Guy? We went on a lunch date last Friday. It was...interesting.